Anonymity and Blogs

I like to read blogs. They give me a bit of insight, a window into
someone else's world and for a little while, try to see what they see.
It makes me feel like i'm connected and a part of this world. that i'm
a seeing, thinking, human just like anyone else. it's not just blogs,
i love to surf around the web and find cool websites, learn about new
things, i can spend quite a lot of time on my computer. But most of
all, i like to read. I like to read and listen to what others have to
say about their life. It's like, I only get one life to live but w/
blogs i feel like i can live multiple lives at the same time...well,
almost like that. Anyways, it helps me get out of my head and into
someone else's cuz i feel like i'm in mines too much. Getting too
self-absorbed is not a good thing for me b/c then i start looking at
my life so pessimistically. anyhow, another thing is that i like to
learn about other people who has something interesting to say, i can
learn a good few things or two. Most of all, i like the anonymity of
it all. i can comment if i choose to or i can pass w/out sharing my
thoughts. i value the freedom of it all. to me, if someone is willing
to share something on-line, then it will be fair game to anyone who
decides to read it. Now, there will be those who abuse that privilege
and take it to the stalking extremes. So, that is when bloggers take
responsibility, use some common sense and don't share any identifying
information!! it's not that hard really.

i want to share w/ you all a little bit of immaturity that i
encountered last night. i am a little bit bothered, perturbed,
displeased by it and feel the need to tell it to my blog. last night,
i was reading another girl's blog (from now on, i'll call her High,
she likes to get high at least once a day), and at first i didn't
realize it, but i had to do a double take. I then realized she was
talking about me!! she didn't say my name, but she used a quote from
one of my entries and insulted me. here are her words:

------------
" 'Anyways, listen to Michael Buble!' Stupid girl, stop reading my
_____ and acting like you're all original when you're getting that
shit off of my entries. Think of your own shit to blog about, ugly."
--------------

earlier that week, i had written in one of my entries encouraging some
of my readers to go listen to michael buble, i think he has a
beautiful voice. and for some "ODD" coincidence she has that kind of
taste and both High and i have been listening to buble for awhile.

needless to say, some kind of tension started building up in me. i
have never been cross to this person, and i don't even know her! I got
really irritated and went into looking how she found out about me. i
found that she's been using some tracker program, which tracks
readers. for some odd reason, i find a bit of humor in that. High
likes to write and she blogs almost everyday when she isn't high, but
then again, she gets high everyday. So i've been reading her blog
since the beginning of April, i liked her writing. I kept my opinions
to myself, never commented on her writing. my opinions about her has
dropped incredibly low, and that she has very bad taste to feel that
she needed to call me names like stupid and ugly.

it got me highly offended to think that i need some kind of
inspiration to write in my entries and therefore go to her. oooooohhh
cooommmoonn, ugh, excuse me, i could crack up and throw my drink at
her but that'd be a waste of a drink. and for goodness sake, it's just
music. buble is quite popular nowadays, i really don't think she has
the right to insult me on it just b/c she thinks i 'got the shit' off
her blog.

i responded in my entry w/:
-------------------
"i'm not sure where some ppl get their negative energy from and i
really hate it when i meet ppl like that. i find it odd that some
people can be self-centered enough, or maybe low enough to think that
others simply cant find any inspirations in themselves so therefore go
and copy off of other self-centered people. be happy and dandy if it
floats your boat to think your world is that SMALL, cuz i have no
sympathy for you.

i think it's a little bit more of the jealousy side. when someone else
finds the same enjoyment from wearing that kind of clothing or listen
to that kind of music or like the same foods, to name a few.
self-centered people can feel like they're the only ones listening to
the music or find their kind of taste to be exotic so other ppl
shouldn't be able to share in that enjoyment.

i mean, fuck, buble is pretty popular nowadays--thanks to his voice
and his many songs in the movie, "Wedding Date"---Which is how i found
out about him, no fucking thanks to nobody, except the movie producers
and all those involved in making the movie.

i can't believe someone psst me off like that. shit, i actually
enjoyed reading your blog, thought you were a nice writer and a cool
person, so excuse me for making such assumptions about you."
-----------------------------

i guess maybe she reacted like that b/c i was intruding too much onto
her private space, reading too much of her thoughts, so she needed to
insult me and make me go away. fine, there's plenty of other things to
read about, so i'll let High get on w/ her life and i hope she just
doesn't bother me either.

so what did i get from all this:
1) not to read her blog anymore, she made her point clear
2) im beginning to dislike those tracker things b/c i realized that a
lot of other ppl are doing the tracking as well
3)

Some pictures cuz I like em...

It was raining really hard today....






Here's some pictures of my lil' guy. He's a cutie and all the roommates adores him. ^_^

My systems of support

I would like to evaluate some of my systems of support in various areas like physical, emotional, mental and spiritual.

physical:
I would like to say that when I need support, I would try and run a couple of miles and tire myself out. i would run my brains out so that leaves no room to think about my troubles. however, sooner or later i would have to face my troubles and fears. i use to run, i don't anymore.  my physical mode of support right now would be my girlfriend's hugs. i love 'em. they're warm and confident and supportive and emanate with love. i use to love my mentor's hugs. she gives big, tight hugs--they just suffocated you w/ love. she moved out to the west coast and i haven't seen her in almost 3 years.

emotional:
when i need an ear to listen, i would pick up the phone and call my sister. we don't talk about my problems b/c i don't know how to start it or approach it with her, but we talk about lots of other things that makes me laugh and later i realize my problems aren't so bad after all. i call up some other friends, talk about life happenings and such. i call up my mentor and tell her how lost i am and how i can't figure things out for myself anymore. she gives me a hearty laugh, that makes me feel like i'm being hugged. all my emotional support are miles away but i feel a whole lot better when i reach them with a phone call and talk to them. my girlfriend provides the support when she sees me in tears or when i'm feeling fear about something, she tells me that i'm okay and worth much more than i think i'm worth. it makes me feel better. a good conversation is always worthwhile.

mental:
being able to write it out. i like to write, been writing since i was in junior high. it started out as a diary about a crush i had on a boy about 5 years older than me. i liked him so much i almost stalked him. he gave me butterflies in my stomach when i saw him. too bad he never knew. reading helps me relieve my mental stress as well. i surf the web and read postsecret or read The Sun subscriptions, they're a good independent magazine. my kind of reading about life. it helps me realize that i'm not the only one who goes through my life woes and problems. i like to listen to music, or watch tv.

spiritual:
myself. it's all like a mental thought process. i lay down in the dark and think that it will get better tommorrow. that now is not forever and that things eventually move on. it won't be so bad. i try and find the strength inside me to make myself feel better. mostly, that strength comes from my other pillars of support. sometimes it also helps me to ask god for a little bit of help to make things better. I ask the gods to help protect my family, to help them be strong and persevere through what they have to go through. sleep is also my spiritual meditation, haha, i enjoy it. eating helps bring my spirits up, food helps nurture the mind as well as the body.

Oil and Water don't mix

It's frustrating when you have different group of friends who don't mix. It's not like I want everyone to be one big happy family (although that would be nice) and maybe I do want it that way. Why can't everyone get along like chocolate chip cookies and milk? See, my problem is that I want to go on a road trip but my friends won't get along with each other for the 2 days, 50+ hour ride to California. My girlfriend, the one person that I want to spend the most time with, has the most problems with getting along with my friends. She says she feels a) uncomfortable, or b) can't stand their personality, or c) have trouble communicating with the other friends.  It was her whole idea to bring along some friends for the trip and now that I asked if others want to come, my g/f has a problem with that.

Sometimes I wonder how my girlfriend and I are together. Our group of friends are so different and yet g/f and I get along together fine. I feel like we live on two separate worlds sometimes. Just yesterday, I was at the grocery store w/ my g/f and brought up a story of a nutritionist's husband who died of undiagnosed diabetes.  He was tremendously overweight. He was basically a walking heart attack.  Could the nutritionist have done something about his eating habits while he was alive, i mean they were husband and wife! Maybe and maybe not. I always tell my g/f to try and add more fruits and vegetables into her diet, even whole grain fibers would help her and a little bit of movement and physical activity goes a long way. Sometimes she takes my advice and other times, it's like I don't know her. Granted, I'm guilty of the same indulgences in my food choices and lifestyle.

It's also frustrating when my g/f is so sensitive to my side comments or remark I make about her. She says that I'm critical, too critical. I think she takes my comments quite personally, but I tell her because I want to communicate to her why what she does annoys me. I tell her what about her behavior or attitudes that makes me grouchy or petty. Everytime we argue about our differences, I always feel as if this relationship is doomed. I shouldn't be so shallow, but how does a relationship like ours stay strong we both are cut from different fabric? We both live on different principles and values, how we chose our career paths based on our personalities, different.. all different. We like different things. It's hard to pinpoint any similarities between her and me. Maybe except that we're both females and we sleep on the same bed. gah!

Jump on the Bandwagon and Make Hay

if I were to follow our quick-paced, time-saving strategies and never spend a moment to ponder. i think i'd rather not live. why the rush? yes, why the rush to get things done?

things that annoy me: people who rush. people who talk fast or try to get through a conversation fast. people who drive fast.

where's the moment that you are suppose to enjoy? i agree with the statement that "nobody is getting younger so you better hurry up!" but i don't think it's any fullfilling to enjoy any moment at all. i see people who are so busy in the ''doing" that they're not paying attention to the ''being.'' getting through medical school in 4 years? that's crazy. you are suppose to save lives as a career but only spent 4 years learning about techniques, 3 yrs in residency. i know some ppl are already complaining about how long you're in medical school, but i would really like the option of taking it a bit slower. enjoy some of the youth, age or whatever stage that a person is at.

what's the point in getting this done and taht done and that and that and that.