love my g/f even more, part 1

cherish the moments that i get to have with my g/f. i love those
tender moments when i can look into her eyes and validate the feelings
i get from her. sometimes i feel as if our personalities are as
similar as night and day. other times i look at our lives and it's not
as opposite as i may make it seem. she loves me for who i am and i
love her for who she is. i love her for loving me, respecting me and
pampering me. i try to do the same for her.

my g/f and i started off as friends, freshmen year of high school,
it's been 8 years since then. we've only started dating these last 2
years. before that we were caught in a love triangle with between my
now current g/f who i will call Butt and another of my best friends
whom i will refer to as Lambchop. you see, my g/f was in love with
Lambchop, Butt was infatuated with lambchop and adored lambchop like
no other.

As freshmen in high school the three of us started off as friends who
identified as straight females.. haha, my that has now changed. I am
now dating Butt and Lambchop is in some fling with this other girl. So
now we are either lesbian, bisexual or just clueless. Someone on the
outside looking in would have never predicted the drama that would
ensue in the next 8 years of this friendship/relationship.

It was finally in college when Butt acknowledged to Lambchop that butt
had soo much feelings for lambchop. lambchops, the way i saw it, sort
of went along with the attention and love she received from Butt.
Lambchop failed to ever communicate to tell Butt that feelings could
never reciprocate..in retrospect Butt now feels as if she was used.
anyway, when it was sophomore year in high school that I saw this
ongoing relationship between my two best friends. i was hurt and
disappointed, feeling like a third wheel whenever i hung out and i
felt jealous. at first i didn't understand it, i assumed it was
because my two best friends are getting to know each other on a whole
other level that i could never understand.

i decided to leave them alone and find another group of friends to
hang out with. I left the friendship hurt and lost and my attitude
being very cold towards Butt and Lambchop. They didn't really care
much since there were in the moment with each other. I saw them every
now and then for the next couple months down the road whenever i saw
the two of them hugging cuddling and just being so close; i couldn't
help but notice an urge inside of me for Butt. Feelings of my jealousy
for Butt. I wanted Butt to look at me with those same loving eyes, i
wanted to love her be close to her. And i felt like i could love Butt
so much better than lambchop ever could. Lambchop enjoyed the
attention she was getting from Butt but only saw the relationship
between the two as just "friends with benefits." Butt wanted more than
just benefits. I saw the pain that Butt was going through. Lambchop
never came out of the closet. The relationship between Butt and
lambchop was very secret and behind closed doors, it was taking a toll
upon Butt because the feelings she gave to lambchop was ignored. It
hurt me to see Butt in this kind of pain and bind that she did not
know how to get herself out of. Butt was just hopelessly in love with
lambchops.