Coming home

my heart is split into two places, although i know which path i would eventually pick out.

i'm currently 831 miles away from my g/f and i do miss her dearly. we talk on the phone almost every night, there was a night or two where either of us were too tired or fell asleep already. she began her first week of classes last week and has been quite busy w/ classes, work, moving in and unpacking, etc. i've been busy helping my family move out of state and settling into our new residence. thankfully all transitions have been moving smoothly and the family is adjusting really well, including my chihuahua--JJ. the puppy raw food diet had to be disrupted for about 4-5 days and getting him started back on it brought on cases of diarrhea. Really not his fault. poor thing. we live really close by the american grocery stores so quick access to fresh meat and 50% off manager's special is always nice.

my parents would love it if i could stay with the family here. find a job here and live with the family. i'd be closer to a lot of things--both my grandma's are in-state, my father's side of the family are here. for the first time i'm gonna have little nieces and nephews running about. i never really grew up w/ an extended family, besides the youth center kids. maybe just the idea of having nieces and nephews sounds better than it actually is.

my g/f misses me and wants me to go back and live with her. she's lonely in her studio apartment and feels like she has no outlet. someone to come home to and talk and spend the evening with. if i could be in both places at once, it would be amazing.

In the olden days

I remember back when I was young, i thought i was living the best life that it had to offer. I had a loving family, a house full of sisters, cool parents and my meticulous grandmother. my folks weren't rich or anything, more like towards the middle end of the spectrum. my family ate well and slept well. I considered it to be a good life. i went to a diverse 4000 students high school, made some faithful friends and had supportive mentors. my parents had their bad days but they were just parents trying to raise 4 kids in an urban city. now i feel like I have my family back again and i feel really happy inside. my parents are not stressed anymore and my sisters are getting older, learning and feeling their way around the world. They're not preoccupied with the store business and a living in what i felt to be a dead end city.

in the next two days, we're moving the family and belongings to another state. actually back to my home state--where my parents first met and got married. i hope that the future will be welcoming my family warmly to new experiences. my parents are worried about having to look for jobs again, but they know we don't need too much luxuries in order to survive or to furnish our lives with necessities.

i left my g/f back in my college town but i hope to back back there soon in the next month and half after my family got their crap settled in the new and old cities. back in college town i'm gonna have to go find a job and figure out what i really want to do in the next few years of my life. i have an idea about what i want to do and just need to take the necessary actions towards my goals. i want to continue doing crisis hotline--i enjoy helping out with the crisis line immensely. i would like to take some more classes next year (2007) so that i could get a certificate and work at a stable job. establishing some sort of stability in my life means having a regular job, having a relationship with my family and girlfriend, having some good friends and having some more goals for my future. this summer a lot of things have been going through my head since i havent really had a job and have been surfing the web this summer. 

i've even got into BARF feeding for my little chihuahua. he's so spoiled, everyone says so. anyways, he deserves to be. BARF--stands for, Biologically Appropriate Raw Food. Yes, that means raw chicken, raw beef, raw fish any raw meat. It rreally ranges with what we have on hand. BARF is still relatively controversial as opponents to these diets say that dogs will suffer from bacteria like ecoli, salmonella, etc. however, in the past 3 weeks from personal experience, my chihuahua looks so much healthier. his bald spot that was near his hind leg is disappearing and his fur is so sleek and soft now. i've done a whole lot of research on it and have joined yahoo! groups that have members who have been feeding raw for years. They will swear by it and thus i follow their examples. i'll update on the health of my chihuahua has time goes on. the only sad thing is that he is my family's dog so when i leave out-of-state, he'll be back on his regular processed dog food.

we also had to take my other dog, Teddy to the pound yesterday. it was heart-breaking to have to bring her to the pound but i find that the situation couldn't be helped. since my family is moving they can't take her because of her size. Teddy is a rottweiler and about 90 pounds. She's huge and by her appearance will easily intimdate anyone who crosses her path. Teddy is really a shy and fun-loving puppy at heart though. b/c of her size, her life was mainly spent outside our backyard patio. i am ashamed that my family had to put her away like this. how do i ease my heart of this matter? is this one of those decisions that we will regret when we reminisce about our past. even though i was not home often to spend time with Teddy i will try to think good things about.