Think about her. Then repeat.
No matter how many times I keep saying it over and over in my head. It doesn't help.
I'm going back to Chicago this Friday. And am absolutely dreading it.
I don't want to go back and see R. I don't want to go back and have to put on a smile and pretend I'm happy.
I make excuses in my head that what R and S did to me, I have every right and every reason to be angry and frustrated and bitter at them. That if they wanted to start our friendship over, I just gotta step back and say no. I can't be friends with them anymore. I don't like what they did to me. I hate what they have done to me. I hate that I'm still bitter. I hate that I can't get over the fact that that was what had happened.
They could have given me more respect and my dignity than do what they had done. They could have done that. They could have thought a little more about me. I've been friends with them for a long while now. I'm sure they know how far I would go for them for the sake of our friendship.
I remember when I left them alone last year because I wanted their relationship to work. I didn't want to have a 3-way relationship. It was what I felt our lives were gonna turn to if I kept hogging around and kissing R. So in my hurt and jealousy, I left them to their lives. I wanted to see little of them as possible. I still did try to call and see them every once in a long while. I was hurt. I told myself to get over R. and in a sense, I did. In thinking about our friendship, I came back and signed a contract to live together our junior year. Telling myself that things were no biggie, I have to get over my big ol' romantic self. In a sense, I did. I guess, in my head I keep asking why S wouldn't leave me and R alone when our relationship was working. . .? Was S really that selfish? I may act like I'm strong on the inside, but that doesn't mean you could still do the things you do to me. That still doesn't give you the right to try to take us down by hurting our hearts.
Till this day, the human emotions and compassions I still question. How does a person find it in themselves to be nice. Their greatest and goodest of all intentions comes from where? By the word of God and thus they follow? or is it really from all reason and heart that a human being finds it in themselves to be good to others.
Yeah, Tasha said it gets hard at times. I couldn't agree more. It does get hard to stay true and be honest with yourself when your friends have abandoned you.
last night I was thinking, when Mr. Life throws events, confusions, dramas into your way. Don't you just wish you also had the power to throw it back to his face? Yeah, that's right Mr. Life. At times like these, I just want to shove it back, throw it back with the meanest of mean and the strongest of strong.
How long have I been overdue to break down?
I'm going back to Chicago this Friday. And am absolutely dreading it.
I don't want to go back and see R. I don't want to go back and have to put on a smile and pretend I'm happy.
I make excuses in my head that what R and S did to me, I have every right and every reason to be angry and frustrated and bitter at them. That if they wanted to start our friendship over, I just gotta step back and say no. I can't be friends with them anymore. I don't like what they did to me. I hate what they have done to me. I hate that I'm still bitter. I hate that I can't get over the fact that that was what had happened.
They could have given me more respect and my dignity than do what they had done. They could have done that. They could have thought a little more about me. I've been friends with them for a long while now. I'm sure they know how far I would go for them for the sake of our friendship.
I remember when I left them alone last year because I wanted their relationship to work. I didn't want to have a 3-way relationship. It was what I felt our lives were gonna turn to if I kept hogging around and kissing R. So in my hurt and jealousy, I left them to their lives. I wanted to see little of them as possible. I still did try to call and see them every once in a long while. I was hurt. I told myself to get over R. and in a sense, I did. In thinking about our friendship, I came back and signed a contract to live together our junior year. Telling myself that things were no biggie, I have to get over my big ol' romantic self. In a sense, I did. I guess, in my head I keep asking why S wouldn't leave me and R alone when our relationship was working. . .? Was S really that selfish? I may act like I'm strong on the inside, but that doesn't mean you could still do the things you do to me. That still doesn't give you the right to try to take us down by hurting our hearts.
Till this day, the human emotions and compassions I still question. How does a person find it in themselves to be nice. Their greatest and goodest of all intentions comes from where? By the word of God and thus they follow? or is it really from all reason and heart that a human being finds it in themselves to be good to others.
Yeah, Tasha said it gets hard at times. I couldn't agree more. It does get hard to stay true and be honest with yourself when your friends have abandoned you.
last night I was thinking, when Mr. Life throws events, confusions, dramas into your way. Don't you just wish you also had the power to throw it back to his face? Yeah, that's right Mr. Life. At times like these, I just want to shove it back, throw it back with the meanest of mean and the strongest of strong.
How long have I been overdue to break down?
posted by extreMEly at 3:43 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home