Enter your heart
Last night I got into a rather insightful conversation on Christianity with my roommate, Sam. When people ask me, "What faith do I follow?" I generally identify myself as Buddhist and I do pray to an Alter where there is a picture of my grandfather (passed away in '94) and I do believe in the goddess of mercy known as Guan-yin, I pray to her from time to time and I also pray to (whom some refer to as) Siddarhtha.
However, I have been curious for some time now the thoughts of accepting Jesus Christ into my heart and following the Christian beliefs. My friends who follow God and his ways have been very open and willing to share answers and talk to me about their Christian or Catholic beliefs. With them I have discussed what I see religion as and how I have been interpreting my life's happenings around me without the use of religion.
For instance, when I am going through some times of hardships, where I am feeling down and out and just depressed about life, I would write about it. I write out my thought processes, I write out what has happened and try to argue things in a better light. I tell myself that everything is going to be okay, that everything happens for a reason and the sun will shine again tommorrow and I will be happy again soon.
Then, I would compare myself somebody who is Christian or any other faith believer. But since I am surrounded by more Christian and Catholics, this post will mostly be talking about God. One who I have had many a conversation with we shall refer to her as Mary. Mary, she is fairly religious and ever so faithful in my years that I have known her. She goes to mass every Sunday and any weekday when she gets a chance. In her room, she has the cross hanging on the walls, she has pictures, poems, and religious wares that tells us what she believes in. Simple and fair. So whenever Mary falls into any hardships, struggles, depressions she goes to church and pray or cry her eyes out. She sits there and really feels as if God is listening to her cries, her sadness. She believes that he is listening, that he understands and tells her that "Everything happens for a reason, and she cannot tell why she has to go through it, but in time she will see everything clearly." She feels like a weight is lifted off her chest, she is relieved, Mary is happy once again.
Hmmm, I envy her for being able to share her problems with a an all-knowing spiritual being. Someone who, unconditionally under any circumstances, will love her and forgive her for all her worldly sins as long as she keeps her faith in Him.
So I ask myself, why not me too? WHy not not? ahhh, so there's the rub.
I cope with my problems in what I interpret as a very secular way and I deal with it fine. I still come out happy in the end, but I wonder if I will come out happier if I had accepted him in my heart? That I would have coped with problems better with God in my heart. Other times I tell myself that Life IS what it is, I should take everything good as good and everything bad as bad. And I learned that not EVerything has to be identified as good or as bad, that there is really a spectrum with things in between the good and the bad. That to live through it all, I will be able to understand it all the better, rather than using religion as an excuse or a "stepping stone" to help me through my times of difficulty. I believe that to use religion is to fool yourself into believing a happier self-existence that may not be real. Sam had said that if you do "have faith in God" and there isn't any such thing as hell or heaven, you don't lose anything anyway. You win the bet either way. But it's not JUST any kind of bet though!
So, my interpretation that Life is just what it is. A lot of people have told me that thought is very depressing. They think that having and living a life that just ends when someone dies is so pessimistic, that there really is not point to having an existence at all.
But do I care really? Cuz what happens to me in this life, I may learn from it but it still makes me the same person after death. I don't get to carry any material possessions, do I even get to carry the knowledge, wisdom and experiences I have learned from in the past?
As I drifted off to sleep last night, I toyed with the possibility of having Him in my heart. Accepting Jesus Christ as my savior, for him to take away my sins and feeling the love and forgiveness of God. Now who doesn't want that kind of offer? It sounds so good to me, there's relief and a senseful peace of mind. I felt stronger, I felt as if someone was holding me up and letting me see the better parts of the world and the understanding the person I really am inside. But somehow, I still feel as if that isn't the ultimate answer to what I am looking for yet. I am not ready to settle down yet, because yes, I do think when I accept him in my heart I am committing myself to something that is forever. Forever is scary when you really think about it.
However, I have been curious for some time now the thoughts of accepting Jesus Christ into my heart and following the Christian beliefs. My friends who follow God and his ways have been very open and willing to share answers and talk to me about their Christian or Catholic beliefs. With them I have discussed what I see religion as and how I have been interpreting my life's happenings around me without the use of religion.
For instance, when I am going through some times of hardships, where I am feeling down and out and just depressed about life, I would write about it. I write out my thought processes, I write out what has happened and try to argue things in a better light. I tell myself that everything is going to be okay, that everything happens for a reason and the sun will shine again tommorrow and I will be happy again soon.
Then, I would compare myself somebody who is Christian or any other faith believer. But since I am surrounded by more Christian and Catholics, this post will mostly be talking about God. One who I have had many a conversation with we shall refer to her as Mary. Mary, she is fairly religious and ever so faithful in my years that I have known her. She goes to mass every Sunday and any weekday when she gets a chance. In her room, she has the cross hanging on the walls, she has pictures, poems, and religious wares that tells us what she believes in. Simple and fair. So whenever Mary falls into any hardships, struggles, depressions she goes to church and pray or cry her eyes out. She sits there and really feels as if God is listening to her cries, her sadness. She believes that he is listening, that he understands and tells her that "Everything happens for a reason, and she cannot tell why she has to go through it, but in time she will see everything clearly." She feels like a weight is lifted off her chest, she is relieved, Mary is happy once again.
Hmmm, I envy her for being able to share her problems with a an all-knowing spiritual being. Someone who, unconditionally under any circumstances, will love her and forgive her for all her worldly sins as long as she keeps her faith in Him.
So I ask myself, why not me too? WHy not not? ahhh, so there's the rub.
I cope with my problems in what I interpret as a very secular way and I deal with it fine. I still come out happy in the end, but I wonder if I will come out happier if I had accepted him in my heart? That I would have coped with problems better with God in my heart. Other times I tell myself that Life IS what it is, I should take everything good as good and everything bad as bad. And I learned that not EVerything has to be identified as good or as bad, that there is really a spectrum with things in between the good and the bad. That to live through it all, I will be able to understand it all the better, rather than using religion as an excuse or a "stepping stone" to help me through my times of difficulty. I believe that to use religion is to fool yourself into believing a happier self-existence that may not be real. Sam had said that if you do "have faith in God" and there isn't any such thing as hell or heaven, you don't lose anything anyway. You win the bet either way. But it's not JUST any kind of bet though!
So, my interpretation that Life is just what it is. A lot of people have told me that thought is very depressing. They think that having and living a life that just ends when someone dies is so pessimistic, that there really is not point to having an existence at all.
But do I care really? Cuz what happens to me in this life, I may learn from it but it still makes me the same person after death. I don't get to carry any material possessions, do I even get to carry the knowledge, wisdom and experiences I have learned from in the past?
As I drifted off to sleep last night, I toyed with the possibility of having Him in my heart. Accepting Jesus Christ as my savior, for him to take away my sins and feeling the love and forgiveness of God. Now who doesn't want that kind of offer? It sounds so good to me, there's relief and a senseful peace of mind. I felt stronger, I felt as if someone was holding me up and letting me see the better parts of the world and the understanding the person I really am inside. But somehow, I still feel as if that isn't the ultimate answer to what I am looking for yet. I am not ready to settle down yet, because yes, I do think when I accept him in my heart I am committing myself to something that is forever. Forever is scary when you really think about it.
posted by extreMEly at 12:51 PM
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