A Matter of Self-Control
I read this off of The Sun Magazine and really wanted to share it with you. I find this piece to be very beautifully poetic and sad in a way.
It sounds pretty crazy to take a knife, or a paper clip, or a razor blade and cut yourself and say it makes you feel better. A lot of people don't understand how the pain of living can be so bad that cutting brings relief. They don't know that each drop of blood holds a thousand unshed tears, a thousand moments of unspoken rage.
If you could cry or get angry, you would. You aren't stupid. But to express emotion is to risk the wrath of thos who cause you pain. Nothing is worth that. And so you cut.
You cut to control your pain, to wash away the rage. You cut when you choose, unlike the abuse, which happens without warning. Cutting belongs to you. The more you keep it secret, the more control you have.
I know all this because I used to cut. Nobody knew. I was married twenty-three years before I told my husband and learned to stop. I'm good at keeping secrets.
And yet, to heal, some secrets must be told. I breathe and lift the razor off my arm and speak the truth. That is the real control.
-Unknown
From October 2005, The Sun Magazine
We all deal with our issues differently and one of those matters takes us to the topic of self-control. Either it's within ourselves and how we lead our lives or even expressing control over others. There are the healthy or the unhealthy ways to do handle matters of self-control. To take anything out to the extreme is unhealthy. But really, what do you say to those who are hurting themselves? Those individuals who internalize their pain, and to release it, they cut and hurt themselves maybe eventually leading to suicide. My thoughts go out to those who are doing these kind of things to themselves. As individuals, we all deserve love and kindness, that to give is also to receive love. In loving yourself and loving those around you comes a sense of self-validation, self-gratification and a refreshing dosage of life, to what it really means to live.
It sounds pretty crazy to take a knife, or a paper clip, or a razor blade and cut yourself and say it makes you feel better. A lot of people don't understand how the pain of living can be so bad that cutting brings relief. They don't know that each drop of blood holds a thousand unshed tears, a thousand moments of unspoken rage.
If you could cry or get angry, you would. You aren't stupid. But to express emotion is to risk the wrath of thos who cause you pain. Nothing is worth that. And so you cut.
You cut to control your pain, to wash away the rage. You cut when you choose, unlike the abuse, which happens without warning. Cutting belongs to you. The more you keep it secret, the more control you have.
I know all this because I used to cut. Nobody knew. I was married twenty-three years before I told my husband and learned to stop. I'm good at keeping secrets.
And yet, to heal, some secrets must be told. I breathe and lift the razor off my arm and speak the truth. That is the real control.
-Unknown
From October 2005, The Sun Magazine
We all deal with our issues differently and one of those matters takes us to the topic of self-control. Either it's within ourselves and how we lead our lives or even expressing control over others. There are the healthy or the unhealthy ways to do handle matters of self-control. To take anything out to the extreme is unhealthy. But really, what do you say to those who are hurting themselves? Those individuals who internalize their pain, and to release it, they cut and hurt themselves maybe eventually leading to suicide. My thoughts go out to those who are doing these kind of things to themselves. As individuals, we all deserve love and kindness, that to give is also to receive love. In loving yourself and loving those around you comes a sense of self-validation, self-gratification and a refreshing dosage of life, to what it really means to live.
posted by extreMEly at 7:14 PM
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