Language Block

I feel as if there's this area of my brain that is doing all the thinking and conversing but it never releases itself. When I will it to release the conversation out of my mouth, it hits a brick wall. Nothing comes out of the mouth except stutters and half sentences.

It's a sickening feeling.

It's embarrasing.

I have a hard time communicating to my peers, although it use to be worse before. Now I'm finding it to be an ever-increasing challenge to speak to my parents. I don't ever feel as if what I am saying is enough to what I want to say. It's never enough. Ever get that frustrated feeling that you want to let out but it won't come out. I feel it all the time whenever I speak to my parents. It gets worse everytime! The distance that we live apart from each other doesn't help either! It's tough to try and communicate through the phone without facial expressions and hand gestures. I feel like a dry, dead cardboard when I'm conversing with the rents.

So yesterday, after 1.5 week I was finally able to talk on the phone with my parents. I wanted to cry, my emotions were rushing through me, like a sense of urgency to show how much I miss them and how much I wanted to be there with them. Everything ran into that brick wall. I sat there, even more at loss for words, dumbfounded and stricken with the fact that I sound so emotionless to my parents. I love my mom and dad more than anything else in the world and for me to be miles apart feeling as if I can't do a thing makes me feel worthless! I hope they don't think that I don't love them, but I think they're feeling like that. It's sad, it's so sad. I'm sad.

What do you do in a situation like this? ... This language barrier of mines