I shouldn't be complaining but...
It's hard not to criticize or compare myself so harshly when your roommates all around you are doing something that will profoundly enhance their wisdom and world experiences.
A little background: I have three roommates altogether, two of them are Architecture majors and R (who is my other roomate) is a pre-med double majoring in Molecular Biology and Psychology. I decided to go for a Food Science and Human Nutrition Degree with a concentration in Human Nutrition. I wanted to find a major that would be flexible and well learned enough that I could apply to anywhere I want to go to in my future. I wanted a degree that was practical. Right now, one semester away from graduating, I am still finding the meaning behind what makes any degree practical!
Anyhow, before I always believed that a busybody is a productive human being would mean a fulfilling life. It sounds as if the mainstream thought of city life and society got to me. That if every minute of every hour is not spent doing something productive, then it is wasted time. Wasted time = bad.
But in the past two years, my life has been nothing like that. I feel that I have been nothing but wasteful (as I still call it) of my time and being. I don't participate in any school extracurricular activities, and it was only this fall that I found a job and began working again.
Last year, I spent it studying hard. Although my grades didn't show it, I was studying my ass off studying and keeping up with professors' expectations. I didn't work, and almost all times I stayed around the apartment. Times that I recall that I was really waiting for R to come home just so I could be around her. If you knew my history, you would know that I was so into R. I just wanted to be around her all the time. I spent the 2nd half of that year going to therapy group sessions as well.
My sense of self-esteem seem to drop and bounce, sometimes breaking almost. I can't seem to hold myself so much as stable when it comes to telling myself, "I'm ok. Really. Everything is going to be fine, really."
A little background: I have three roommates altogether, two of them are Architecture majors and R (who is my other roomate) is a pre-med double majoring in Molecular Biology and Psychology. I decided to go for a Food Science and Human Nutrition Degree with a concentration in Human Nutrition. I wanted to find a major that would be flexible and well learned enough that I could apply to anywhere I want to go to in my future. I wanted a degree that was practical. Right now, one semester away from graduating, I am still finding the meaning behind what makes any degree practical!
Anyhow, before I always believed that a busybody is a productive human being would mean a fulfilling life. It sounds as if the mainstream thought of city life and society got to me. That if every minute of every hour is not spent doing something productive, then it is wasted time. Wasted time = bad.
But in the past two years, my life has been nothing like that. I feel that I have been nothing but wasteful (as I still call it) of my time and being. I don't participate in any school extracurricular activities, and it was only this fall that I found a job and began working again.
Last year, I spent it studying hard. Although my grades didn't show it, I was studying my ass off studying and keeping up with professors' expectations. I didn't work, and almost all times I stayed around the apartment. Times that I recall that I was really waiting for R to come home just so I could be around her. If you knew my history, you would know that I was so into R. I just wanted to be around her all the time. I spent the 2nd half of that year going to therapy group sessions as well.
My sense of self-esteem seem to drop and bounce, sometimes breaking almost. I can't seem to hold myself so much as stable when it comes to telling myself, "I'm ok. Really. Everything is going to be fine, really."
posted by extreMEly at 5:42 AM
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