Time to reconcile

ahhh, so it's been two days that i've been back in the apartment. I ask myself what am I doing here?

flashback to sunday when I was getting ready to come back to apartment. I was in another city and stuck in an elevator. The first thought to myself was, "Oh no, I won't see R!"

I can't believe how pathetic I am. jeez. I know I haven't gotten over her yet. Over the two days whenever we talk, I am reminded of how much I miss her, how much I want to be her but I can't do anything about it. I wish I could change the hands of time and go back to those old days when we were still together. I miss those moments, I would hold her and never let go. I just know that she isn't the one that is right for me. She's inconsiderate, selfish and, right now, just can't be bothered with a relationship. I know her flaws. I know it. I see it through all the years that I have known her but I still don't know why I still have a yearning feeling for her. What is this that I am feeling? No, it's not love. It's lust. It's anger that I can't be with her.

Solution: I need to reconcile with myself. I need to put closures to this whole situation.

No, actually, I need a job. A job to get me outta this apartment and keep me busy while I'm away from all this. while i heal from all this.