Sleepless in the Night
I was thinking about her again. Last night. At 3:36 AM in the morning. Wishing how things could be a little different. And then, with all my might in me, I forgave her. I don't know how it will sit with me for the next couple of days but we shall see. We'll see if I get angry at her again. I wouldn't want a friendship of 7 years to go to ruins because of bad decisions. Decisions that was made and really couldn't see what the future would hold for us.
As the saying goes, there's always something to be learned after every heartbreak. I can't say what it is that I've learned thus far, wait and see a couple of years and we'll see how I reflect upon it.
Been listening to a lot of music and reading lately. Thinking about her.
Last night, I thought about how much I miss her hugs, warm embrace. Her tender lips. And I imagined kissing her again. How her thin, cold, soft lips would feel upon mines. I wondered what it'd be like to hold her hands again, to lay next to her in bed and wondering about myself in our blissfulness. It was all like a fantasy to me. I miss loving her. I don't feel so angry anymore when I think of loving her. I miss her. I miss her so much.
And I sent her a text message. I know it's not the best form of communication, but I just had to let it go in my heart. Let her know that I still love her the same. That I understand better now what she meant when she said we weren't meant for each other..
*sigh* How next time in the future I'm gonna think upon my college years, I don't know. I can't wait til I graduate and go back to Chicago. Maybe things will be different once I get away from all this. I stuck by our friendship long enough and I'm ready to move onto different things.
But my mind keeps on going back to the whole thing about 'consistency.' I believe in consistency. That no matter what happens, that as long as you stay consistent to whatever it is you believe in, good things will come from it. And I think that's why I'm staying consistent in this friendship for now. I only have this last year to live with them two and perhaps never again in this lifetime, I shouldn't spend the time being mad. Of course, things have forever changed and I can't blame anybody for it.
As the saying goes, there's always something to be learned after every heartbreak. I can't say what it is that I've learned thus far, wait and see a couple of years and we'll see how I reflect upon it.
Been listening to a lot of music and reading lately. Thinking about her.
Last night, I thought about how much I miss her hugs, warm embrace. Her tender lips. And I imagined kissing her again. How her thin, cold, soft lips would feel upon mines. I wondered what it'd be like to hold her hands again, to lay next to her in bed and wondering about myself in our blissfulness. It was all like a fantasy to me. I miss loving her. I don't feel so angry anymore when I think of loving her. I miss her. I miss her so much.
And I sent her a text message. I know it's not the best form of communication, but I just had to let it go in my heart. Let her know that I still love her the same. That I understand better now what she meant when she said we weren't meant for each other..
*sigh* How next time in the future I'm gonna think upon my college years, I don't know. I can't wait til I graduate and go back to Chicago. Maybe things will be different once I get away from all this. I stuck by our friendship long enough and I'm ready to move onto different things.
But my mind keeps on going back to the whole thing about 'consistency.' I believe in consistency. That no matter what happens, that as long as you stay consistent to whatever it is you believe in, good things will come from it. And I think that's why I'm staying consistent in this friendship for now. I only have this last year to live with them two and perhaps never again in this lifetime, I shouldn't spend the time being mad. Of course, things have forever changed and I can't blame anybody for it.
posted by extreMEly at 12:50 PM
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